just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
