Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
