i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
