nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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