What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize