what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
