i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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