Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize