so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
