If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize