just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
