I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
