I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
