Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
