god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
