my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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