I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he thought i was a dude.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
