When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
