if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
