Church boner. Awkwardddd
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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