but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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