I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
