Your face is a jimmy john
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
