Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
