What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Farmville is her only friend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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