every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
