He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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