Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
