I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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