Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
