My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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