just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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