Sponge bath it is.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
