Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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