hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
