Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
