Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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