Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
