I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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