Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize