Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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