It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
