I heard we made out
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
