I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
