a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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