We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
