ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
