his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
