dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
