Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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