the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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