Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
