Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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