I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
