I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
