Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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