I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
