i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
