last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
