Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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