I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
